Things I am not allowed to do in Naruto
by Masta of da House
Summary: A list of things one should never do in the Naruto Universe. Based off "Skippy's List" and "Things I am not allowed to do in Hogwarts" This is basically a list of ways to piss of or annoy your favorite ninja. WARNING: A GREAT PLETHORA OF CHARACTER BASHING
1. List Number 1

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101 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do In Konoha, Or Any Other Ninja Village For That Matter, Under Any Circumstances, Ever.

I will not tell Sakura and Ino where Sasuke lives.

I will not kick Shikamaru while he's thinking or say "Dude, we're in the middle of a battle here, wake up!"

Singing "Men In Tights" around Rock Lee is inappropriate. Singing "Men In Tights" around Guy is inappropriate.

Orochimaru is not the evil emporer and he does not routinely go up to Sasuke and say "You do not know the power of the Dark Side".

I will not get Naruto to perform "personal favors" for ramen. Even though we all know he would.

Sasuke doesn't want to hear any more of my sick, twisted theories to why Itachi left him alive.

I will not trip Neji then claim it was fate.

Bookcovers are meant for covering books. They are not meant for me to wear on my head. Nobody cares if I look just like Kankuro.

I will not continue to draw on Shikamaru's face whenever he falls asleep.

Going up to Gaara of the Desert and saying "Oh my Gosh, I love your eyeliner! Where'd you get it?' is most likely fatal.

The attractive Uchiha who sat in front of me back at Ninja Academy is named Sasuke not Sasu-gay. Referring to him as Sas**uke** is also unacceptable.

I will not run behind Shino and scream "Omigod a spider! Kill it!"

Next time Sasuke calls me a loser, I will not respond by saying "Yeah? Well your mom…"

I will not replace Naruto's ADHD medication with Mike and Ikes.

Sakura and Ino are both madly in love with Sasuke. Therefore, I will not spread rumors that their crushes are merely a cover-up for their secret yuri relationship.

I will not ask Tayuya if she wants to blow my flute.

No matter how cute I think he is, I am not to call Naruto "foxy".

I will not claim that I am the kage of any village I made up.

Hinata does not have an inappropriate relationship with her cousin and I will stop implying that she does.

I will not ask Temari to do the old Vaudeville fan dance.

The symbol on Neji's forehead does not signify he is a member of the Nazi party. Neji is not a Nazi. He is however, an asshole with a huge superiority complex, which is basically the same thing.

It is not necessary to sing "Emo Kid" whenever I see Sasuke.

I will not let my cat use Gaara's sand as a litter box.

The Byakugan Is not for peeking so I will stop asking Hinata lewd, perverted questions.

I will not do strange, inappropriate and/or illegal things to Sasuke, then later claim Ino had used the Mind Transfer Jutsu on me and this was all her idea.

I will not transform into Naruto and get Hinata to buy me all the ramen I want.

No matter what I think, it is unfair to use firearms in ninja combat. Or nuclear missiles.

I will not ask Naruto to transform into Agent Smith prior to doing the Kagebunshin no Jutsu, no matter how beast that would be.

Telling Hinata that Naruto is having a secret love affair with Sasuke is cruel and unusual. I will not do it again. Likewise I will not be telling Sakura about it in the near future.

I will not tell Naruto that every time he says "Believe It" a puppy dies.

Kidomaro is not spider-man.

Neji is not the almighty overlord, even if he says he is. Therefore, I will not assume that just because he says something is okay, I am allowed to do it.

Shikamaru is not a pimp and Ino is not one of his hos. Neither are Temari, Kin, Sakura or Tayuya.

I will not ask Sasuke how his parents are doing. I also will refrain from asking Naruto how his parents are doing. Actually, that's not a good question to ask anyone.

Naruto does not use the Kagebunshin no Jutsu for personal pleasure.

I will not let Kiba read "Inu Mo Arekeba". Ever.

Gaara does not need a hug.

Neither does Itachi.

I will not give Neji a haircut while he's asleep. Especially not one that matches Rock Lee's. I will not subsequently make said hair into a wig and wear it around the village. No one cares that I feel pretty.

I will not tell Orochimaru to stick his tongue to a flagpole.

Sending Sasuke forged love notes from Naruto Is not funny. Okay, Maybe It is , but I shouldn't do it.Same thing vice-versa.

I will not ask Sakura if pink is her natural hair color.

The Akatsuki member known as Deidara is not Ino's secret lover, long-lost cousin, or hair stylist.

I was not taught ninja skills so that I could sneak into people's houses in the middle of the night and steal their things. However, selling Sasuke's personal items to his fangirls is quite profitable.

I will not at any time shout "I'm surrounded by Gay people!" Even if it's accurate.

Orochimaru is not Micheal Jackson. Nor is he Voldemort. Nor is he the illegitimate love child of Micheal Jackson And Voldemort And I will stop Implying These Things.

I will not transform into Naruto and tell Hinata I'm in love with Neji.

Kakashi does not have pink eye.

Whenever my Sensei is talking about "kunais" He is referring to throwing knives. Just throwing knives. I will stop being so perverted.

"You might be a Hyuuga if…" jokes are never acceptable.

I will not threaten Shino with a can of Raid.

Stealing TenTen's weapons and putting them in Jell-O was not nice and I will not do it again.

Kabuto is not a Pokemon.

I will not teach my classmates about the internet. However, if they happen to find out, I will not subsequently tell them about or .

There is no Villiage Hidden in the Valley Ranch and it is not full of delicious, green vegetables.

I will not steal Hinata's diary and read it out loud to Naruto just because I think it's funny.

64 palm is not a groping Technique.

I will not change Shakespeares "Romeo and Juliet" to make it read "Shikamaru and Tayuya" and put it in Konoha library.

I will not refer to chakra as the force.

Next time I put the "Naruto" manga or an issue of "Shonen Jump" in the Konoha library just to mess with people's heads. A squad of elite Jonin will be sent to assassinate me.

Rearranging all the furniture in the Akatsuki hideout will most likely result in death by Itachi.

I will not sing t.A.T.u.'s "Malchik Gay" whenever Sakura tries to flirt with Sasuke. Best not to Bring up "Gay boyfriend" Either.

If I ever bring my copy of "Make Out Paradise" to school again, It will be confiscated indefinitely.

I will not post a sign on the ramen shop that reads "No blondes allowed". Nor will it say "No idiots allowed". Putting up a sign that says either will not receive a favorable reaction from Naruto.

I will not refer to Kabuto as "Orochimaru's bitch" . Even if it is an accurate description.

Whether or not I teach Tsunade's pig to walk on the ceiling is not a problem, but I will not sing "Spider-pig" while doing it.

The Ninja Academy Will not and never will have a prom. I will stop asking Sasuke to be my date.

I will not send Neji false horoscopes reading "You are fated to die today at 12:37 unless you kiss Sasuke". Taking pictures and putting them online is simply cruel.

Yamanaka Ino's real name is not Skankity McSlutslut.

I will not transfom myself into Itachi and sing "Brother My Brother" to Sasuke.

Just because Shikamaru has pierced ears, long hair, a fishnet shirt and a short jacket, and just because he says "Girls are troublesome." all the time does not make him gay.

I am not allowed to have a funeral for Haku and if I insist on having one I will not end the eulogy with "He was a great man, at least I think he was a man."

I am forbidden to say "Naruto has nine tails, if you know what I mean." Especially to Hinata.

Neji is not Sampson and if I cut his hair off it will not render him defenseless.

I will not steal Choji's potato chips. Nobody cares how much I love BBQ potato chips. They probably wouldn't care if Choji killed me either.

I will not call Shino "Neo".

I will not buy drugs from Asuma.

I will not stand up on the tables at the ramen shop and sing "La Vie Boheme" because I think it is funny.

In the midst of a battle between Naruto and Sasuke. I am not to start yelling "YAOI, YAOI, YAOI! C'MON, LET'S SEE SOME YAOI!!

I will not use the line "Hey, is that a kunai in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"

It is common logic that most forbidden jutsus are forbidden for a reason.

I will not tell blonde jokes in front of Naruto.

I will not refer to Itachi and Kisame collectively as "Sharkboy and Lavagirl".

I will not enter Hinata into a NejiNaru fansite.

I will not get a badass tattoo just because Gaara has one.

If Sasuke returns from a mission with several wounds I will not insist one or more of them are self-inflicted.

I will not tell Itachi that it is 'Weasel Stomping Day'. Nor am I to get to Sasuke and several others to stomp on him mercilessly.

I will not send Rock Lee eyebrow trimmers for Christmas.

Sasuke's name is not Inigo Montoya and I will not insist that Itachi killed his father and therefore deserves to die.

I do not have real ultimate power.

It is not necessary to yell "Bom Chika Wah Wah" every time Naruto does the sexy Jutsu.

Though I was fortunate enough to take a video of the time Naruto accidentally kissed Sasuke on my cell phone, I will not post it on Youtube. Nor will I send it to Sakura.

I will not invite Deidara to my Ceramics class.

Shikamaru is not possessed by a three-tailed sloth demon.

I will not transform into Yondaime If I do, I will not go up to Naruto and say "I am your father". Especially Darth Vader style.

The Sound 5 is not a band.

I will not call Kiba "Dog Whisperer"

TenTen may be the weapons master, but that does not mean I can ask her to summon me up some strange objects. That honour is strictly reserved for Neji.

I will not refer to Sakura and Inner Sakura collectively as Gollum and Smeagul.

I will not put a 'Kick me' sign on Neji's blind spot.

Kankuro does not have a puppet named "Achmed"


	2. List Number 2

Sasuke is not my personal Edward

Neither is Gaara

I will not tell Neji that in his past life he was Jesus

"Kill them all. God will know his own." is not an acceptable form of pep-talk to give my subordinates prior to the Chuunin Exams.

I am not to sing "Mr. Sandman" around Gaara.

It is a fact that physics and ninjas generally don't mix

I will not send Kiba on an S ranked mission and then pay him in Scooby Snacks

I will not introduce Neji to professor Trewlawney

I will not draw the planters peanut face on Gaara's gourd.

I will not wait for Hinata to finally confess her love to Naruto, then transform into Sasuke and say "Hey, Naruto, we still on for tonight?" flirtatiously.

I will not use the Sharingan to cheat at Guitar Hero.

I will not tell Neji that everytime he says Destiny, I'm going to punch TenTen in the face. Nor will I proceed to do so.

I will not announce to everyone in the village, in a dramatic voice that Choji is going to take a chip out of a bag and eat it.

I will not refer to Zetsu as Audrey Two

Sandslash is a pokemon. There's nothing going on between Gaara and Kankuro.

Neji's apparent pride and possible attraction to his cousin does not mean he is an Icarii Enchanter. I will not push him off a cliff to see if he flies.

I will not question Deidara's sexuality.

I will not question anyone's sexuality.

Whenever he does Desert Coffin I will not state that Gaara has just "rolled a critical"

Sakura is not a witch and I will not burn her.

I will not tell George W. Bush that the Akatsuki have weapons of mass destruction.

I will not give the Akatsuki weapons of mass destruction

I will not give Gaara weapons of mass destruction

Telling Neji his hair makes him look like a hippie isn't nice.

I will not replace Kakashi's beloved Make Out Paradise books with Jane Eyre

I will not replace my English teacher's Jane Eyre books with Make Out Paradise.

Kiba is not Princess Mononoke is disguise.

Kunais should only be used as weapons. I cannot use them to cut my food, pick my nose or carve words into my desk.

I will not introduce Orochimaru to Indiana Jones

I will not make lightsaber noises during battle

I will not give Naruto coffe.

I will not refer to Orochimaru as "That Creeper".

I will not use the technique used to walk on water to convince people that I am the new messiah.

Gamabunta does not want to meet my biology teacher.

The Akatsuki Leaders real name is not Aro.

I will not tell Gaara "Go! Use sand attack!" as it will piss him off

I will not tell Temari about Shikamaru and Ino. Especially if she's in a bad mood.

I will not walk around in an Akatsuki Cloak because I think it's funny.

Kiba does not want to do it "doggy style"

Nor am I allowed to go up to him and sing "You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel"

I will not tell Orochimaru that Sasuke wants to see his snake.

I will not sing the Batman Theme around Kankuro.

I will not rent Sasuke's house to tourists after he leaves Konoha.

Or fangirls

I will not steal Gaara's gourd and sing "I've got a jar of dirt".

I will not tell everyone that Hinata has a shrine to Naruto in her closet which she sings "When I think about you I touch myself" to every night.

Even if it's true.

It is not necessary to sing "Master of Puppets" by Metallica wherever Sasori goes.

Meeting me at my place tonight does not constitute as an A rank mission and I will not convince Ino that it does.

I will not let Tsunade go to Las Vegas and then wonder where all of Konoha's tax money went to.

I will not stare at Gaara's eyeliner and say "Maybe he's born with it; Maybe it's Maybelline."

I will not tell Nicolas Cage that the lost city of gold is hidden behind the Hokage faces.

During the Chuunin exams, I am not allowed to provide play-by-play commentary using my "announcer voice".

The Byakugan does not see a person's name and remaining lifespan.

I will not sing "Short Skirt, Long Jacket" around Anko.

When Sasuke's curse seal begins to cause him pain, it does not mean that Voldemort is nearby and I will not tell people that it does.

I will not introduce Gaara to Death Metal.

I will not tell anyone to Google themselves.

I am not Temari's biggest fan.

Sasuke's real last name is not Aizen.

I will not hide behind Naruto while he's talking to Sakura, wait for him to say "Believe it!" and then demand "Did you just call that chick bulimic?"

Gaara did not steal his sister's mascara and is not grounded for a week.

I am not the reincarnation of the Fourth Hokage.

I will no longer tell people that there is of a parallel universe called Shippuden where Neji is a woman.

Deidara does not use the mouths on his hands for self-pleasure.

He isn't going to use them on me, either.

I will not sing "Dude looks like a Lady" around Haku.

I am not allowed to sneak into Guy-sensei's house and watch him sing "I will Survive" in the mirror as it is disturbing.

I will not have Gaara's fangirls fight Sasuke's fangirls to the death.

I will not tell Tsunade she puts the 'Ho' in 'Hokage'.

The awkward turtle is not a proper hand signal.

Neither is my middle finger.

Sneaking up behind Shikamaru while he's cloud watching and playing the Song of Storms is not allowed

I will not go behind Naruto and Sasuke and sing "I kissed a boy and I liked it"

I will not ask Tayuya about "That one time at band camp"

Nor am I allowed to ask her if she tounges daily.

I am not allowed to tattoo the curse seal on myself and run away with Sasuke.

I will not replace one of my eyes with the Byakugan and call myself the new Mad-eye Moody.

It is not favoritism for Iruka to buy Naruto ramen and he does not owe the rest of us any.

When constructed, I will not refer to Tsunade's Image on the Hokage Mountain as "Twin Peaks".

Rock Lee does not want a training montage

Sakura does not want a training bra

I am not allowed to sing "Animal I have become around Naruto.

Or Gaara.

I will not suggest Kakashi use Grecian Formula to "Get the grey out"

I will not suggest to Guy sensei that he sell his own workout videos on the Home Shopping Network

I will not sign Choji up for Biggest Loser: Ninja edition

I will not wear a "Team Naruto" or "Team Kiba" shirt around Hinata

"Team Neji" is just out of the question.

I will not refer to Make out Paradise as "The Great Big Book of Everything with Everything inside"

I will not intentionally pronounce everyone's name incorrectly.

I am not allowed to tell Hinata that Naruto wants to meet her tonight. Then tell her he's waiting for her in some obscure location and see if she actually goes to find him and how long she waits there before she realizes I lied.

I can't sell Sasuke into slavery, no matter how much Sakura, Ino or Orochimaru offers me.

I will not transform into Shikamaru and tell Temari to "Get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich."

If Gaara ever decides to tell me about how no one ever loved him, the proper responseto his monolouge is not "JESUS loves you."

I will not show up, messily drunk, wearing another village's headband

Even if my Sensei did it.

I will not refer to TenTen as "Princess Leia Organa"

I will not replace any training videos in the academy with Ryan Higa's "How to be Ninja"

After Naruto returns from training with Jiraiya after two years I will not tell him that while he's been gone, I broke into his house, had sex multiple times with Sasuke there, trashed the place, sold his stuff on Ebay, burned down the ramen shop and killed everyone in the village.


	3. Christmas List

Things I'm not allowed to do in Konoha, or any ninja village for that matter, during Christmas, Ever.

I will not sing "Baby please come Home" to Sasuke.

Contrary to popular fanart, shuriken generally don't make very good Christmas ornaments.

I generally shouldn't go up to random people saying "Good news! Christ the King has come!" but double points if you say this to Hidan.

No longer allowed to give Christmas carolers Gaara's address.

I will not trick Sasuke to stand under mistletoe with Naruto, and insist that tradition says they must kiss.

Orochimaru is not allowed to be a mall Santa; having little kids sit on his lap is just a bad idea.

I will not break into people's houses and claim to be the real Santa, even if my abilities make it possible.

I will not wrap my presents to Neji and Hinata in lead paper, because I don't want them to peek.

My name is not Buddy the Elf and I will not convince Naruto that maple syrup should go with ramen.

Nor will I go up to Gaara and say "Looks like someone needs a hug"

Anything that involves Shikamaru in a reindeer costume is generally considered a no-no.

I will not write my own version of "The night Santa went Crazy" about the night Itachi killed his clan.

I will not buy Hinata sexy lingere for Christmas.

I will not label it "from Naruto"

I am not allowed to decorate Zetsu. Especially with lights, and glitter, and shiney ornaments.

Happy Holidays!

(P.S. –List number 3 is coming soon!)


	4. List Number 3 Slightly Shorter

50 more things that I really shouldn't do in Naruto, no matter how funny they are.

**Hiya! Before I start on my third list… I'd like to say that this one and any following ones I am going to make will only be 50 things long… because it's harder than it looks to think of these things…Also I don't support NejiHina, I think I came off like I did.**

_I will not tell Naruto "NO! I DON'T BELIEVE IT, SO WHAT NOW HUH?!"_

I will not tell Kankuro and Temari that I am pregnant with Gaara's child. Especially if I actually am.

What happened to Neji and Hinata when I brought them to that anime convention in Alabama was not funny; it was mean. I will never take them there again.

I will not join Akatsuki, Especially if it's just to get guys.

I will not dress up like Naruto and try to get them to capture me either.

Neji, Hinata, Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke and Itachi all on the Jerry Springer show at the same time equals a bad idea

I will not tell my guyfriends that Neji is a girl, and watch as they whistle at him while he walks down the street.

I am not allowed to follow Gaara and sing "Another One Bites the Dust" every time he uses desert coffin.

I'm not allowed to tell people "Ninjas do it strong and silent." Even though technically we do.

I'm not allowed to tell people "Itachi can go at it for 72 hours straight" Even though technically, he can.

I will not get a large group of people to stare at Hinata at the same time.

I will not ask Orochimaru if all those snakes are compensating for something

I will not claim to be anyone's wife/husband , lover, son/daughter, cousin, sister/brother or long lost twin.

I will not tell Sakura "If you really want to be anything like Tsunade, there's a…_couple _of things you have to work on."

I will not e-mail the location of the Akatsuki hideout to the top 50 most insane fangirls I can find.

I will not refer to Naruto and Kiba collectively as "The Fox and the Hound"

I will not go up to Sasuke and sing "They had it coming, they had it coming; They only had themselves to blame." Especially if my name is Itachi Uchiha.

I will not tell Naruto that Sarah Palin is going to be the next Hokage.

I will not go up to Kakashi while he's reading Make Out Paradise and sing "If you were gay"

I will not convince anyone else to do this either, especially Naruto.

No one will believe me if I say that Gaara spends the nights that he can't sleep through gazing at me through my window as I sleep. I will not tell them that he does.

I will not put fleas in Kiba's pillow

When he shows up the next day, scratching everywhere, and tells me he has fleas, I will not attempt to frame Shino.

Though it is admittedly hilarious, having loud, awkward conversations about who's uke and who's seme in SasuNaru in _in front_ of said ninja only makes them hate me.

That goes for other crack pairings too.

I will not rub Kiba's tummy…even if he likes it.

I will not tell Gai-sensei and Rock Lee that Shikamau wants to train with them.

I will not call Sasuke "The Boy who Lived".

I will not sing Imaginary by Evanescence (In my field of paper flowers…) around Konan

Shikamaru does not know _everything_. I will not ask him about the meaning of life, fractal geometry or to explain how ninjas defy physics.

I will not end every sentence with the words "no jutsu"

I will not pants Naruto

It's even worse if I do it in front of Hinata.

I will refrain from singing "Lovely Ladies" when Naruto does the harem jutsu.

I will not tell Sasuke that I accidently killed Itachi, that he was allergic to cashews the entire time, and that's what killed him.

I will not tell Neji that the Hyuuga clan has arranged a marriage for him.

I will not tell him that it's with Lee.

Though everyone feels the same way, next time I see Orochimaru, I will not scream "I'm sick of these motherfucking snakes in my motherfucking village!"

I am not allowed to stand outside Sasuke's window at night singing "Baby come back; You can blame it all on me…"

I will not get Ino to go on that reality TV show, "The Bad Girls' Club"

If Itachi shows up looking for Naruto, because the Akatsuki want him and all, I will not tell him that he's currently getting it on with Sasuke, and ask him to come back later.

I will not offer to train with Neji, only to slap him and call him a pervert as soon as he activates his Byakuan.

I will not go up to Kakashi and sing anything from 'Phantom of the Opera'.

I will not spread rumors about Ino being pregnant, even if she is kind of a slut. Nor will I tell people that Shikamaru is the father… especially Shikamaru himself

If Shikamaru believes me, that does not mean I should go tell Temari about this.

If Ino ever asks me about this I will not respond by saying "Well, you sure _look_ pregnant."

I won't create a genjutsu of myself making out with Hinata in a public place…where I know Neji's planning to meet with Naruto and Kiba. This goes double if you're a girl.

I won't get Tsunade to declare Naruto the next Hokage when she's drunk.

I am not allowed to try to sleep with Sasuke. Or actually sleep with him for that matter.

When we're doing it, I will not scream, moan or sigh Itachi's name


	5. List Number 4

Finally! It's Here! Another List of Things that I am not allowed to do in Nauto

I will not tell Naruto that they're making him the new Hokage. Then say "April Fools!"

I will not stand behind Choji and dramatically exclaim that he is about to take a chip and eat it.

I will not replace the Akatsuki Uniforms with Snuggies.

Even If the Snuggies are black.

When Sasuke goes up to Itachi, I will not run up and scream "Itachi! You bastard, give me back my Three Days Grace CD!" Or anything else that would completely break the mood.

I will not get Shikamaru and Gaara to sing "The Best Friends Song" by Stephen Lynch.

I will not tell Naruto that because it is Lent, he will have to give up ramen for the next 40 days

I will not tell Kisame that, because it is Lent, we will be eating fish every Friday

Ninjas do not know the secret Drasnian language. Those hand gestures are for performing jutsus.

I will not get everyone in the Ninja Academy to stand up and sing "We don't need no education."

Nobody wants to read my fanfiction. Nobody wants to see my fanart.

Especially the yaoi ones.

I will not relable Texas on every US map as 'Sakura's Forehead'

When Sasuke uses his Sharingan, I will not exclaim "Oh, great, now you've send him into Ratatosk mode!"

I will not spontaneously yell "Holy Shit! A hoard of screaming yaoi fangirls!"

Especially when Sasuke is nearby.

I will not teach Tobi to sing "I Know a Song that gets on Everybody's Nerves"

I will not tell Naruto, that I know what's underneath Kakashi's mask, then walk away and refuse to tell him.

I will not stroke Neji's hair and moan sensually

I will not tell Sasuke that I just saw Itachi run into the girl's locker room.

Tayuya was not Ian Anderson in a past life.

Orochimaru is not "The Smoker" and I will not throw a pipe bomb at him

Or a molotov

I will not tell Gaara that Matsuri isn't real.

I will not try to get Deidara to let me fly around on his bird thing. If he, for some reason let's me, I am no allowed to sing "A Whole New World"

Especially if my name is Tobi.

I will not tell Sakura that I saw Naruto and Sasuke…having fun.

Tsunade is not Rangiku Matsumoto in a parallel universe.

I will not refer to Rock Lee as 'The Green Ranger'

I will not sell Orochimaru date rape drugs

I will not present Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke each with a piece of the Triforce to "See what happens".

I will not organize a national "Ignore Naruto Day"

I will not pour water over Sasuke's head while he is trying to perform the Fire-Style Jutsu.

I will not go up to Gaara and sing "It sucks to be me"

If I do, I will not expect him to sympathetic in any way.

I will not read Neji raunchy NaruHina

I will not read Neji raunchy NejiHina

I will not ask Zabuza if his sword is compensating for something.

A fire stone does not evolve Naruto into a ninetales

I will not set up a swear jar for Hidan. I will not put Kakuzu in charge of it.

I will not cut Neji's hair and donate it to 'Locks of Love"

I will not ask Kakashi if I can grab his bells.

Sasuke and Itachi do not need family counseling.

I will not inform Naruto that pink hair is a fatal disease and emo is a horrible STD

I don't know if he has the effort to help me with this one, regardless, I will not convince Shikamaru to use his shadow possession jutsu to make everyone in the room do the Macarena

Or the electric slide

I will not tell Naruto to stand in the middle of the road as a replacement traffic cone

Subsequently, I am not allowed to run him over

Kakashi is not Obi Wan Kenobi

Sasuke is not Anakin Skywalker

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Avenue Q, Deathnote, April Fool's Day, The Electric Slide, Snuggies, Three Days Grace, Stephen Lynch, The Catholic Church, The Belgariad, Pink Floyd, Texas, Tales of Symphonia, The Song That Gets on Everybody's Nerves, Star Wars, Jethro Tull, Left 4 Dead, Disney, Bleach, Power Rangers, Ignore Naruto Day, Pokemon, Locks of Love, The Macarena, STDs, Traffic Cones or Kakashi's bells. They are all rightful property of other people.


	6. List Number 5 Finally!

DISCLAIMER: I DO OWN ANY AND ALL REFERENCED MATERIAL IN THE FOLLOWING FANFIC, NARUTO IS NOT PROPERTY OF MASASHI KISHIMOTO AND ALL OTHER ITEMS ARE NOT ARE NOT THE PROPERTY OF THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS. THEY ARE MINE

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER: THAT"S A LIE

I will not stand behind Choji and dramatically explain that he is about to take a chip and EAT IT

I will not replace the Akatsuki uniforms with Snuggies

Even if the Snuggies are black

I will not refer to Naruto and Sakura collectively as Fred and Judy

That does not by default make Sasuke fat Kevin

When Sasuke goes up to Itachi, I will not run up and scream "Itachi you bastard! Give me back my Three Days Grace CD" Or anything else that will completely break the mood

Ninjas do not know the secret Drasnian language. Those hand gestures are for performing jutsus.

I will not get all the kids in the ninja academy to stand on the desk and sing "We don't need no education."

I am not allowed to nuke the Sound Village.

I will not attempt to sell hot dogs and Coors light to spectators during the Third portion of the Chuunin Exams

Nobody wants to read my fanfiction. Noone wants to see my fanart. Especially the yaoi ones

I am not allowed to have flashbacks to battles that I never participated in

When Sasuke uses his Sharingan, I will not exclaim "Oh, great, now you've sent him into Ratatosk mode!"

I will not spontaneously yell "Holy shit! A hoard of screaming yaoi fangirls!"

Especially around Sasuke.*

I will not teach Tobi how to sing "I know a Song that gets on Everybody's Nerves"

I will not tell Naruto that I know what's under Kakashi's mask, then walk away and refuse to tell him.

I will not tell Gaara that Matsuri isn't real.

Tsunade is not Rangiku Matsumoto in a parallel universe

I will not refer to Rock Lee as "The Green Ranger"

I will not sell Orochimaru date rape drugs

I will not go up to Gaara and sing "It sucks to be me" If I do, I will not expect him to be sympathetic in any way

I will not tell Sasuke that Roy Mustang is his real father

It's not smart to commission Team Rocket to take Kyuubi, and I will not tell the Akatsuki that it is.

I will not ask Choji to use a substitution technique so that I can sing "Teleporting Fat Guy"

I will not get "Touch Me" or any other song from Spring Awakening stuck in Hinata's head.

I will not refer to Neji as Tybalt and Naruto as Mercutio.

I will not make them act out scenes for my English class

I will not tell Sakura that Sasuke committed suicide

I will not tell Sakura that it's her fault

Kisame is not the result of a failed Gilliweed experiment

I will not ask Shino if he's ever considered anti-lice shampoo

I will not Speculate on how the Leaf Village's symbol looks conspicuously like the logo for Time Warner Cable

Kira is not responsible for the Uchiha Clan Massacre

I will not make a "Five Awesome Kages" channel on Youtube

I will nottell Kakashi I think he'd enjoy reading Brave New World.

Shino is not 'My little love bug' I may not hug him while referring to him as such.

Kyuubi is not my heathen God and I will not sacrifice Genin to him on the full moon

I may not market Sasuke's image

I will not do experiments to see if pulling on Temari's pigtails will make her head pop off

I will not attempt to get Kankuro to help me perform Avenue Q

I will not suggest that calling Ten-Ten "Twenty" will make things a whole lot easier.

I will not constantly ask Sasuke to help me solve exponential equations

When he can't, I will not tell him that that's one more thing that the log is better than him at.

I will not invite Sasuke and Itachi to the same party.

Just because he's gay and plays with needles does not mean that Haku has AIDs.

I will not buy Gaara a shirt with a rainbow and smily faces that says "Smile. Jesus loves you"

I will not sing 'Into the Woods' before entering the Forest of Death on penalty of my team being disqualified from the Chuunin Exams.

I will not sew the words "Free Hugs" into the back of Itachi's cloak

Naruto's new name is not "Anime Bart Simpson"

-Author's Note-Please Read-

First off if you enjoyed this please check out **101 Things I am NOT allowed to do to any alchemist **by** Mizu Mitsuname. **She's a good friend of mine and I helped her with this list. It's really funny. Also look out for a Deathnote list by me in the future. I wanted to say this first so that you'd know. Mizu's such a great writer; she deserves more hits.

Now that that's said, I'd like to say **thanks for waiting so long for this**. I really love you guys for this. I'm nearly clear dry of ideas, since I've made so many lists so far. That's why I made each list 50 items long. It's hard, but even a few comments are enough to keep me going. They often make my day. I'm going to try to keep going with this list, and maybe start a few others.

*Or Gaara, or Neji or Naruto or Kiba or anyone for that matter


	7. List Number 6 The End

Author's note: I apologize for the first fifteen or so items of the last two lists and the fact that they are the same. I basically found the fifth list partway completed, not knowing it was the fourth, and added items from there. If I can think of a few more, I'll fix it, and put new items up. But for now, forgive me, and enjoy the Sixth one.

I am not allowed to make "Orochimaru - Micheal Jackson" jokes anymore.

By the way, Orochimaru isn't dead and it was not Kabuto's fault.

It's not called the Ramengan

Tel l Temari "Fan me slave girl."

I will not tell Ino she has swine flu

I will not have Lee's eyebrows off

I will not then subsequently tape them back on as a mustache.

I will not walk into an alley and cry "Oh, Sasuke, don't touch me there!" while Sakura and Ino are around

I will not sneak sake into Tsunade's drink during peace meetings.

Deidara is never allowed to use the phrase "Talk to the hand"

I will not tell Sakura I saw pictures of her kissing Ino…and TenTen…and Hinata, on the internet.

I will not tell Sasuke that I saw pictures of her kissing Ino…and TenTen…and Hinata, on the internet.

I will not tell Naruto that since the Kyuubi is in his bellybutton, technically, it rapes him every three seconds.

Hagrid is not allowed to befriend the nine-tailed fox…

Or name it Fluffy

I will not convince anyone that the Hoedown Throwdown is a jutsu

Itachi's problem is not that he "needs to get laid"

On that note, I will not offer to help him.

Itachi does not wish to appear in a visene commercial

Kisame is not a freaky fish guy.

I am not allowed to pour salt on Tsunade's giant slug

I am not allowed to tell Kakashi that Tobi is Obito if I don't know for sure.

I will not get pizza delivered while on missions. Especially super-secret missions…In the Sound Village.

Even if I get enough for everyone

I will not send Sasuke friend requests from Itachi over Facebook.

I will not take naked pictures of Iruka and slip them into Kakashi's book.

I will not replace all the boys outfits with Sailor moon outfits

I will not give Jiraiya the key to the Playboy mansion

I will not push Gaara in the pool

I will not lock Sasuke and Naruto in a closet…and then tell them to come out.

I will not put live goldfish in Naruto's ramen…He'll eat them.

I will not yell Kamehameha every time Naruto uses the Rasengan

I will not tell Sasuke he's adopted

I will not step on Kabutos glasses, and then try to fix them by using Oculus Repairo

I will not refer to Shino as "Lord of the Flies"

The Chunin exam stadium is not to be used for gladiator fights

Or for feeding Christians to lions.

I am not allowed to comment on Gaara'a giant "peanut".

I am not allowed to transform into Sasuke and sing "Fat-bottomed Girls" around Ino.

I will not use copies of Naruto as traffic cones, so that I can practice for the maneuverability test.

Especially if I'm a bad driver.

I will not prank call Akatsuki Hideout.

Ninjas fight using stealth, they don't run into battle screaming "LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY JJJJJJJJJJJJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSS!

It doesn't matter that it works for Naruto, I still can't do it.

I will not switch Sasuke's Prozac with Naruto's Ritalin

I will not start any conversation with Gaara by saying "You know, your sister blew me so hard…"

I will not tell Hinata that Naruto is dead

I will not tell her that Neji killed him.

I will not follow Sasuke around and sing "Burning up" by the Jonas Brothers everytime he uses the fire-style jutsu.

If and when Naruto becomes Hokage, and is giving an acceptance speech, I will not grab the microphone and say " Yo, Imma let you finish but, TSUNADE WAS THE BEST HOKAGE THIS YEAR!"


End file.
